For first time in my nursing career I left work with my feelings extremely hurt not because of my performance but because I'm not allowed to be myself.
So I just started working at a teaching hospital. It is day 4 for me out of a 9 week training schedule. Over the past 4 shifts I’ve noticed my department Director had it out for me but I couldn’t quite figure out why. The same for the clinical nurse leaders who never Acknowledge me when I work, even when I speak cordially.
Anyway... my supervisor pulled me into the office with concerns about me being “too quiet”. She went on to say that is was bothering her alot. She stated “I am usually good at reading peoples personality but for some reason, with you I cant. I have been a nurse for over 20 years but you have a personality I have never seem before in my life. I want to believe that its is because you are genuinely quiet otherwise I don’t think you would be a good fit for this kind of workplace environment”.
She went on to say that I seemed “spaced out as if I had other worries on my mind”. Im thinking to myself how you come to this determination in only 4 days of working with me.
My preceptor begged me not to say anything but she stated the Director was not sure if she liked me or not because of my quiet demeanor. Also she mentioned that other workers on the unit have been talking about it as if I was weird or strange.
With me being the only Filipino nurse on the unit I feel discriminated against. After all, I really liked this job. But I am afraid it will just get worse if it is not addressed.
My preceptor told me to forget about what was mentioned and try to prove them wrong.
I don't feel as if I need too. After all it is my first time working in a hospital after coming from a longterm care facility with a little over a year of experience. In fact, most of it is all new to me like pca pumps, blood transfusion, chemo, cardizem drips, Tpn etc. I never wanted to offend anyone by being quiet. I just want to feel my way in.
And to think this unit is struggling to keep workers. My preceptor said to grow tough skins. In no way have I ever been a push over and I have no desire to fight with anyone for being me. What would you do if you were in my situation?