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pinkdoves BSN

Pediatrics

I am a relatively new pediatric nurse trying not to have a panic attack every day...

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pinkdoves has 2 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Pediatrics.

pinkdoves's Latest Activity

  1. pinkdoves

    Coworkers Competing For Vending Machine Food And Drinks

    I was feeling a little sad and I read this & feel tons better. thank you for making me laugh a little
  2. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    hello guys thank you for commenting...I think I'm going to change to outpatient in June. I think having a schedule would benefit me at this time in life. I think a large stressor for me at work is in the influx of psych patients we are getting. Psych is not my specialty at all and I get very scared about being hit and yelled at. I am also a relatively tiny person so having me as a nurse to these aggressive people is very intimidating. There was someone at my work that literally had a bunch of her hair pulled out by a patient...another was bit. I never wanted to be a part of this. I want to be respected for once in my life. and I get that they need help, but still the idea of trying my best just to be abused is why I feel like nothing even matters at this point. god bless actual psych nurses because that is definitely not my forte. and patients always sniff out weakness (me)
  3. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I am in great despair...I feel like life has lost it's meaning at this point. They can replace me in a second with someone else and nothing I do even matters. I could be working hard all day and then someone will point out some stupid minute thing I didn't do and I feel so dejected. It makes me not want to work hard. I used to take everything so seriously: nursing school, finding a good job, etc., but I've learned that none of these things even matter at this point. I just want to be happy again. I spent so much of my life studying, losing sleep over work or school...and for what? To be told I'm not working hard enough? To be threatened by patients that they're going to punch me? To be yelled at when other people don't do their jobs and I'm the only person the patient or families actually see? None of it is worth my sanity and I wish I never went into such a garbage profession. All I do is give and give for strangers who don't give a *** and will even insult and abuse me. Why would any sane person deal with this? I come home so empty and depressed. My knees and legs hurt and I'm only 23. I'm sacrificing my sanity for people who can replace me in a second...but how can I complain? I chose this profession so it's my fault anyway. I tell this to my family and friends but they don't really understand. My mom's always like "you only work 3 days a week. you barely work why are you even complaining?" I just feel like I put so much time and energy into this stupid profession but it's never enough. I've never been so miserable in my life. I used to be so positive and happy. I still look happy from the outside. My coworkers always comment on how I am always willing to help other people and that I'm a pleasure to work with. that's nice to hear but I'm literally dying on the inside...the fact I have to wait 'til June makes me feel so hopeless. it's not a long time but I'm not sure how I'll survive 'til then. Another huge stressor is that there's a pandemic and I live alone. So I come home from work so dejected, worn out, just to come back to an empty apartment. I feel so alone. I think it could be easier for my coworkers who have boyfriends or husbands or kids...but I have none of that. I feel so lost and don't know why life has handed me such a terrible fate. I just want to have a desk job at this point. Any job is stressful but nursing is just too much for me. People will tell me I'm immature but I don't really care. They tell me I should feel guilty for thinking this...that I'm so lucky to be 23 and to have a job and to be able to live on my own without outside help... I'm just so tired of this being my entire life...and I guess I am privileged and I shouldn't complain but IDK what else to do
  4. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    oh that's awesome! if that's true I will reach out. Thanks!
  5. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I am really traumatized by my first job. I thought nothing could go wrong because I worked at one of the top 5 hospitals in the US. That clearly means nothing as I've learned. Even the hospital I'm working at now is considered "prestigious" but we're so short staffed and underpayed. I don't understand why it has to be like this. I think I would be 50% happier if we had better staffing and if I wasn't doing the front desk receptionist's job on top of mine. I just have to survive a couple more months of this BS and hopefully I can switch to outpatient. I swore I would never work with adults again after my first job, but maybe outpatient will be different...(maybe ?) I love kids and particularly babies so I love that I work in peds. I just don't know where to go from here. Most of my colleagues are in school for school nursing, NP, etc. I don't seem interested in any of those options. IDK.
  6. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I was thinking about using EAP but then I was also scared that the providers through that would be the ones from the hospital that I work with. Do you think that could be true? That might make work very awkward if that is the case... I thankfully work in a city so there are a lot of hospitals and clinics around me. I think I'm going to try outpatient as my next move and if that doesn't make me happier IDK what to do. I really like the idea of making a list. Maybe that will help. Thank you for commenting I appreciate it! thank you Dave I am really trying to survive at this point...
  7. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I think I am also frustrated partly because of this reason. The healthcare system is all about money. I work at a prestigious hospital there are people lining up for this place yet they refuse to hire them to save money. It's not okay and ends up short-staffing us all the time. But "it's okay" because the business people look at the numbers and calculate we have enough staff...it drives me nuts and I would love to see them come to our "fully staffed" units. It's hard because I feel like this job takes over so much of my life and I'm so miserable. On my days off I research what other jobs I can have in the future when I can switch positions or units. I feel so hopeless and I've been depressed ever since I started as a nurse. I get a lot of SI teens who overdose. I always am required to ask them questions like "do you feel suicidal today" which is ironic because someone should be asking me that. My whole life seems like a fog. I'm so close to working at starbucks. so close...
  8. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I thankfully have really great family and friends. But sometimes my nursing schedule is so hectic that I can barely have an outside life it seems...I sometimes feel like I live in that hospital. I have not been taking care of myself the way I should. I have lost a lot of weight since starting as a nurse. I am young (23) and this is (I guess technically) my 2nd job but first real career move if that makes any sense. I guess I compare myself to my sister who works in business. She makes more money than I do sitting at home from her laptop and watching daytime shows...then I go to work and am running around, yelled at, abused, etc...it just doesn't seem worth it to me. There are other jobs out there that don't require this but I feel so stuck. I wish I could be 17 again and choose a different major...sometimes I think I need to check myself into a mental hospital. I don't understand why anyone would do this for more than 2 years. I guess there are different personalities...and god bless because I'm struggling to even make it to 1 1/2 years.
  9. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    it sounds like you're having trouble understanding because you're taking my life and comparing it to yours. I am assuming I'm a lot younger than you so I can safely assume much isn't the same today as it was for you. I was never an LPN. I went to nursing school straight after high school. Nursing school (especially nowadays) does NOT prepare you for bedside nursing. It was a lot of watching and sim lab, but not a lot of hands-on. The most I learned during school was during my externship I took on my own accord (not through my school) so god forbid someone doesn't have that experience, how do they even survive? I enjoyed learning the concepts of nursing: pharmacology, pathophysiology, etc., but being the bottom of someone's shoe more times than not is not what I ever wanted my career to be. I think this could be the answer. I really do not thrive in the hospital but I feel so stuck. I'm so miserable I'm scared I'm going to be here forever ?? thank you!
  10. pinkdoves

    The golden first year?

    I am at a loss for words. I graduated school in may 2019 and landed an adult inpatient med/surg telemetry position. I was so miserable due to my preceptor bullying me and high patient loads that I quit in less than 3 months. I was unemployed for a couple months before landing an inpatient pediatric med surg position. I have completed nurse residency here and am able to do my job unlike the first place...but I am still so miserable. I’ve hated nursing from the beginning and people said it would get better. It never did and I’m still so miserable. I can’t switch units until June and I’m feeling so depressed. Wake up thinking “why am I living to do this” ...I am usually a very happy and positive person but ever since I became a nurse I’ve been so depressed and not like myself. When will this get better? It’s been over a year and I still hate my life. Beginning to think I shouldn’t have been a nurse at all
  11. I have my performance review coming up. My manager sent me an email for the time and date, and then said to start thinking about where I want to be in the future/what I am doing to help out the unit. I'm not sure if it's wise to be honest about what I want to do in the future. I currently work in a pediatric med-surg unit but I want to switch to NICU pretty soon. Gen peds is definitely not what I want to do long-term. is it bad to say I want to switch to NICU? Will this make my manager have a grudge against me or something? I don't want to lie and say I want to be a general pediatric nurse forever but then what if he gets upset that I'm really using this as a stepping stone? I guess it's normal since I just completed my first year of nursing... any advice would be great. how should I phrase my future goals as to not offend or upset my current employer? And to be clear I like my hospital I just want to switch to a different floor...I'm not thinking about leaving the hospital
  12. I know NICU experience is not ideal for CRNA school, but I've found several reputable schools that accept it. I was wondering if anyone in the allnurses community is one of these people--someone who only came from a background in NICU and is currently in school/is a CRNA now? I am not 100% sure I want to do CRNA but I'm looking into my options. I work at a children's hospital RN and don't want to switch employers. I guess I could switch to PICU or CICU as well...but I'm most attracted to NICU.
  13. pinkdoves

    Being a preceptor as a new(ish) nurse?

    you're a very rude person... probably bc most people who get experience leave to do something less demeaning
  14. pinkdoves

    Being a preceptor as a new(ish) nurse?

    I don't think it's fair to say I don't know anything after 10 months... I agree I might not be the best candidate to teach someone else but please do not insult the progress I've made. I'm proud I even made it this far
  15. pinkdoves

    New Nurse having trouble with CNA

    I am so glad I am not the only one with this issue. At 22, I was asking people way older than me (like women in their 60s) to do tasks for me which they were very bitter about. They always say no too (which like ? this is your job) but I've talked to my higher ups about it and they agree it's been an issue...very awkward when the managers talked to them and said "you have to help pinkdoves when she asks"...
  16. pinkdoves

    Being a preceptor as a new(ish) nurse?

    that's an amazing idea!! I wish that could be a thing today but I guess it would be hard to find someone with 15+ years of experience for every orientee. it's crazy bc I feel like everyone who started with me 10 months ago is already planning their escape out of the bedside and is enrolled in master's programs...
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